When I Heard It I Cried
by Neko-Neko Faust VIII
Summary: When Johnny Cade died gallant and too young, did he remember his first love? She remembers him. All of the secrets of Johnny's life, told through the eyes of the girl who loved him with all her heart.
1. For You, Johnny Cade

I Heard It And I Cried

Summary: When Johnny Cade died gallant and too young, did he remember his first love? She remembers him. All of the secrets of the life of Johnny Cade...told through the eyes of the girl who loved him with all her heart.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders...I do own Angela, because of the obvious reason that I made her up! :) If you want to use her, which I doubt anyone would want one of my characters, ask me first, alrighty?

A/N: I am a HUGE Johnny fan, and even though I am probably writing a dreadful Mary Sue, which I abhor, thank you ever so, I had to tell his story my way and I hope I do not get flamed more than I deserve...:)

Chapter One: My Beginning, His End.

It hit me like a bullet to the brain.

I was numb, unmoving, and I couldn't do anything but stutter and put my hands to my cheeks and feel my tears slide onto them...

I couldn't believe it.

Johnny, my Johnny, was dead.

This can't be real, I thought to myself, It can't...he's not dead! He was only sixteen, why God?

He was only sixteen. Too young to die...

Johnny is my age....he would have been 17 in autumn...like me...just like me. He was just a kid.

It would have been okay if he had just died in a car accident, or got too sick and just couldn't take it anymore, at least then I could have stayed by his bedside.

But he had been killed.

Not killed by a person but by his own desire to jump into those flames and save the kids....that was what got me. He had died a hero.

Just like I knew he always would...

I knew he would die saving somebody.

And damn it all, I was right, and how I hated it!

I knew he had killed someone...I think his name was Bob...

But God had no right to take Johnny away. And to heaven too!

When he was dying, Johnny, because of his stupid parents, thought he was going to go to hell.

It's not fair, I all but screamed in my mind, it's not fair!

I looked at the picture of him that I kept hidden under my pillow...he was too handsome to die too.

Johnny, who looked like a little puppy who had been kicked far too many times.

Johnny, with his shaggy, soft bangs and his deep, sensitive, frightened eyes.

And Johnny, who would always be there for me.

Until now.

And it was all Bob's fault.

Everything was Bob's fault!

It was Bob's fault that Johnny had to kill him!

It was Bob's fault he was dead!

It was Bob's fault that I was still living!

I looked out the window of my room, the blinds were broken and tattered from trying to do that morse code stuff with Johnny across the street.

I sighed. That had been so long ago, or maybe, yesterday.

I can't tell time now.

Sometimes I wished I could kill myself, and be with Johnny, but he would have wanted me to be happy instead.

The screen of the window was jagged and rusty, I eyed the drops of blood on the floor, and remembered whose they were.

They were Johnny's from climbing into my window so many nights.

In some sort of weird stupor or something, I threw my hand against the screen and raked it across, dropping my blood on the floor next to his and feeling sort of lightheaded.

Everything was hazy and so I laid on my bed to help clear my vision up.

I laid there without moving or even breathing real loudly, just wondering why.

He wasn't a typical greaser...he was special. Johnny could get a lot out of things...and he was sensitive and caring...so gentle and soft spoken.

Most of the guys have a slouching, feline look...Johnny looked like a little scared dog who got caught up in a quarrel...and he was.

It wasn't being a greaser that had made him die.

It was not knowing who he was going to be when he got out of highschool.

I knew that Johnny could have been someone if he lived.

He would have gotten out of this town and would have become someone really great, important.

But he has always been important to me.

Why does everyone have to die?

Why do we get all the tough breaks?

Why do we get in fights with people who are underneath it all, just human beings like us?

But that's how things are...too fast to live...too young to die.

For a dumb greaser girl, I dig okay.

On every side of town, we see the same sky, from different windows, of course...but it's still the same.

And here we are fighting each-other and killing each-other, and breaking people's hearts and dying, while we're all humans too.

It's horrible, and I know how much Johnny wanted to fix it.

But maybe things are sewn into this town like a blanket and won't unravel unless someone who's still here tries to un-sew it. Maybe that person will be me.

But first, I have to remember him...and keep him alive, as much as I can...then he'll be able to finally realize that there's some good here. Some unity....some memories that will never ever fade away. This if for you, Johnny Cade...


	2. The Children Who Are Hurting

I Heard It And I Cried

Summary: When Johnny Cade died gallant and too young, did he remember his first love? She remembers him. All of the secrets of the life of Johnny Cade...told through the eyes of the girl who loved him with all her heart.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders...I do own Angela, because of the obvious reason that I made her up! :) If you want to use her, which I doubt anyone would want one of my characters, ask me first, alrighty?

A/N: I am a HUGE Johnny fan, and even though I am probably writing a dreadful Mary Sue, which I abhor, thank you ever so, I had to tell his story my way and I hope I do not get flamed more than I deserve...:)

Chapter Two: The Children Who Are Hurting

We were born at the same time, on the same day, on a blustery autumn morning.

They say that you can't love someone before you're born, but I did, I was in love with Johnny Cade before I began to live, even.

Some Christians say that only God's love is divine, but human love is divine also...I remember that conversation, we were only five years old, but having parents who drive your skull against the wall each night and who the neighbors hear fighting over alcohol and money kind of force you to grow up a little faster.

On that subject anyway, I'm not sure what religion I am, but I think it's a good one...maybe it's just my own, like Johnny had his own...

We met the gang that day.

If we hadn't we probably wouldn't have known what love and friendship were other than our own.

The day we met them, was windy, and cold, and weird for a summer morning, and Johnny and I were walking down the street, all bruised, and our eyes downcast toward the cracked pavement.

He talked to me in his soft little voice, "Do you think our moms and dads'll go to heaven when they die, Angie?"

I nodded, eager, but then I thought for a while..

Why would they go to heaven? Why should they? If God sees everything and if he saw the way they treated us, would he let them in?

Secretly I hoped not, and I was going to just say yes, because I was real uncomfortable speaking about something like that...

You know how it is? Would you want to tell your friend that both of our parents are going to hell?

I didn't think so.

But I didn't want to lie...I don't think I could've if I wanted to anyway...it was too scary a subject for me to deny...so I told him.

"No..." I said meekly.

He held my hand, "I know...but sometimes I want to think they will."

I stared at Johnny, shocked. "What? Why?"

He looked at me wistfully...the light of life never really seemed to be in his eyes, only a frightened, defeated glimmer...I should have known then that he was going to die and leave me alone...because the light of heaven sort of falls into the eyes of those who don't have earthly light.

I got a little weird just then...I think I just made that up, but...it sort of makes sense, if you think about it.

He was bathed in fear, and I saw it. I think everyone else could see it too.

Except his mom and dad.

They didn't know him. They thought he would turn out as some dumb hoodlum out drinking on an open road and breaking streetlights.

They probably only kept him because they had life insurance on him...I bet they were real happy the day he died.

I know it's bad, but I'd absolutely love to cuss out that mother of his...and I don't swear a lot like the other grease girls do. I'm not saying I'm a soc, because I have never once heard one of them swear. Ever. But I don't use those swearwords all the time, you know? It's kind of...

Classless.

Like I have any class anyway.

Well anyway...back to his parents and my story...

Johnny's story.

I hate them!

But...it was that fear that drew the gang to us...and us to them. Maybe.

He finally answered, "Cause them preachers say that God always helps people to be good and all...and," he stopped with a tiny choke, "Sometimes I wonder if they go to heaven, that God and Jesus'll help them be good."

As we were walking, things got real quiet for what seemed to be eternity.

Until we heard some little boys playing by the church across the street, and decided to go see what they were doing.

Everyone in our neighborhood basically knows each-other, if they don't, they at least know your name, and as dangerous as that may be sometimes, it helps to feel like one big family.

"Hey! Cade!" shouted a tow-headed, tough-looking little seven year old boy, who was beating on an innocent kitten with a stick.

I winced at the kitten, wishing I could save it, but I didn't have the courage to go up to a mean-looking boy like that and tell him to stop.

But...then again....

You're not so smart at five.

And boy, was I ever stupid.

As Johnny looked on in horror, knowing the boy's reputation, I walked right up to him, and kicked him in the shins.

He spit at me, so I kicked him again....

I don't think he expected a girl to be so savage.

I pulled his hair, and clawed him, setting the cat free, though it turned out the cat was helping me too, and finally, exhausted and scared at what I thought was coming next, sat down on the ground, terrified.

I put my arms over my head.

It was clear that the cat and me, and Johnny, as I learned later, had won.

But it was only because I had caught him unaware.

'Oh my god...' I thought timidly, 'This mean boy is going to kill me...!'

I was shocked at the gesture I received instead.

He reached his hand out to me, and kindly, well, he was kind of rough, but anyway, he pulled me on my feet, and smiled dangerously.

"Gotta give it to ya, you're not as wimpy as I thought...." he said, a little impressed at a girl fighting.

I nodded, "Don't hurt the kittens. They're scared of you now."

"Everything's scared of me." he said impartially.

Did this boy care about anything? I didn't think so...but the only ones he'd open up to from that point on were me and Johnny.

We didn't get sassy with him, but he would never hurt us on purpose.

He already knew Johnny, and was friends with him, "So, what's your name?"

I drew myself to my full height, "Angie Perkins...um...who are you?"

"Dally Winston. Don't wear it out."

The boys behind me knew what was coming, and continued to play as if nothing was the matter. The older ones, whose names were Darry, Two-Bit, and Sodapop, just giggled a little and watched the boy talk to me.

Johnny had left to play with the younger one, Ponyboy, who I figured out was Sodapop's and Darry's kid brother...

I felt kind of bad for Pony, because he was the youngest...Johnny and I were treated as kids, and he was the gang's pet.

The blonde boy snickered, "Haha...Perkins...hm...well, if your last name is Perkins, then where's the perk, huh?" he said, gesturing to my chest. What did he want?! The perv! I was only five! "I don't see perk, I just see a flat pancake!"

He touched my chest, and before I saw it coming, Johnny punched him square in the nose.

All of us gasped collectively, we hadn't known Johnny was capable of doing something like that.

He knocked Dally onto the ground, and Dally gave us a dangerous smile and walked away, kicking a pebble contentedly and adding, "Hey, Angie...when I see you next, you better have some perk."

My ears got red. "And I will!" I screamed indignantly.

I noticed a few years later that when I said that, Johnny blushed madly and ran home...

So that's where he went.

We became real good friends with Pony and the rest...

But we didn't see Dally for a real long time, we figured that he was probably in the cooler, for him it was a sort of habit...you know, trying to break the law.

But I knew, as he walked away, with that grin on his face...

That was the day I fell in love with Dallas Winston.

A/N: Well, as they say, nothing makes things better than a nice love triangle! Especially when both of them die! And the next chapter will be better! Don't think Angela is a bad girl or anything, she really loves Johnny the most, but Dallas she also loves, but in a different way...which will be revealed, of course, in the nest chapter! The rating won't change, but this next one might be high PG-13, because of a little...incident....

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII

PS: Sankyuu to all of my reviewers! Sankyu! Sankyu! Sankyu! Danke Schon! Arigatou!

PSS: Yes, if you would like to know, I was born in Berlin! - But I live in the US! Whee! I love Austria's National Anthem!

Edelweiss!


	3. Inside and Outside

I Heard It And I Cried

Summary: When Johnny Cade died gallant and too young, did he remember his first love? She remembers him. All of the secrets of the life of Johnny Cade...told through the eyes of the girl who loved him with all her heart.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders...I do own Angela, because of the obvious reason that I made her up! :) If you want to use her, which I doubt anyone would want one of my characters, ask me first, alrighty?

A/N: I am a HUGE Johnny fan, and even though I am probably writing a dreadful Mary Sue, which I abhor, thank you ever so, I had to tell his story my way and I hope I do not get flamed more than I deserve...:)

A/N: (once more!) Guess what? Now my three friends at school, we call each-other by Outsiders names! I am Johnny! Chibi-Sama is Ponyboy! And Sasuke/Naruto-San is Two-Bit!

Chapter Three: Inside and Outside

I didn't know that I didn't love Dally...but I didn't.

Maybe it was the way he handled things, maybe it was his coolness...maybe it was the fact that I never had a real dad to love me, and he was like a dad to me.

Even when he died...

But it wasn't the role he had wanted to play. Johnny...he told me that.

Dally had loved me, and I didn't love him...

Oh god, I still feel so bad...

And I'll be damned if I let them slip away...one week had taken the both of them.

One week.

I didn't care that Bob died, I still don't. He deserved what he got, no one messes with my Johnny Cade and Pony...Johnny was scared to death of socs, and he knew that.

I don't care if Randy said that all he wanted was for someone to tell him "no."

He can tell it to himself all he wants in hell!

And...Johnny...and Dally...can look down at him, and laugh.

I'm almost shocked at how much I've changed...I wasn't like this. I was never like this...once again, blame Bob.

I hope he rots in his grave.

And yet...I don't know why I don't want Randy to.

He's different from Bob, but I still hate him...

I just don't want him to die.

Seven years after I met Dally I was...I don't know...Twelve? And he should've been at least fourteen...

Seems like so long ago, I'm nineteen now...

Like the sleeping memories that never go away.

During that time, Johnny's parents had been beating on him more and more...and he took to sleeping in my garage, scared of his dad, and scared of his mom.

I don't know what they're doing now...but every time I look at them, it's like I'm penetrated to the bone, and I get so scared I can't move.

I don't mean "scared."

I mean, "honest-to-god terrified."

His head was always slamming against the wall, that came from his dad, he went freezing in winter, that came from his mom.

We were sitting placidly in the church, minding our own business.

When Johnny gets hit in the head with a spitwad.

Oh, and how lovely, there's one for me!

Thanks Dally!

....Dally?

Johnny and I both smiled as we saw his wild, cold grin spread across his face.

You know, I don't think we realized real well that we were in a church.

We threw hymn books at each-other, Johnny being even wilder than Soda, and Two-Bit, who had taken the gum from their mouths and hurled it at the preacher.

Johnny was shouting real loud, and did a cartwheel in the middle of the church.

Ouch...

He had accidentally kicked our school counselor...

Dally, brushing his wispy hair out of his face, yelled, "Run for it, Johnnycake!"

The rest of us cheered and ran too...

Of course, the people in the church scowled at us...

O greasers, victim of environment, no-count hoods! Juvenile delinquent, you're no good!

Oh yeah? Ask the SOCS!!!!!!

Nice little song though...we don't mind, as Pony said a couple of years ago, being called greasers by another greaser, it's playful then. But when we hear "greaser" being called, echoing in the vacant lot, that's when it sends a chill down our spines.

We ran to the vacant lot, it was our first time there...we had finally found some territory of our own! Now we didn't have to live in fear of socs coming and killing us for lighting up a cigarette in a park or in Tim Shepard's alleys.

Oh, about the smoking thing...Johnny started at nine...I started at the very same time...it was the only time we felt safe about something before that, you know? That's very sad...isn't it? To be happy and feel safe about lighting a cigarette and knowing that it won't beat you? That's low.

Darry sat in the vacant lot, passing down a cigarette. He wouldn't risk it, being an athlete...like anybody doesn't know about "Darry the Superman."

We all talked real happy for a time that seemed like an eternity...and then we watched the sun set...

We all stayed out after midnight, except Darry, Pony, and Soda, because their parents would get worried, and none of us would like that.

As for Johnny's parents, they didn't care if he were living or dying.

Neither did mine.

And Dally...well, I don't even know if Dally had parents....

So finally, Dally asked me the question I was dreading...

"So, Perkins...again, I ask...where's the perk?"

Johnny slapped his hand to his forehead, and yelped, because the cigarette he'd been holding had just, obviously, smashed against his head.

I smiled at Johnny, and then looked at Dally with a stupid determination.

Yeah, I know it's real stupid to be asked where your perk is and to actually answer, but as I said way in the beginning, I'm just a dumb greaser girl, and I did what I did.

I had been wearing a big jacket that day, so nobody could see...you know...that I was, well...growing...so I took a deep breath..

And I flung off my jacket.

I'm not ashamed or anything but...still, I don't like talking about this kind of thing...and I do have a lot of...you know, curve, I guess.

Dally looked on in awe while Johnny blushed and stared, and I fumed.

I held it in, I was a big girl and I wasn't going to let him get the better of me...

Of course, if I hadn't let him get the better of me that day, it wouldn't have happened...

Oh well!

Anyway, he looked at me, and started talking dirty. Dally's been able to talk dirty ever since I can remember.

Johnny, much to his reluctance, listened, but payed more attention to me...or should I say my shirt.

"Angie's carrying two melons up front!!" he said gleefully where Johnny's ears got red.

"Yeah? Well, Dally Winston, you got what you wanted, and I do have perk, so there!" I said, furious.

Then I walked away.

"Angie shakes like jell-o, from the back, from the front, and even sideways!"

Johnny, who I noticed was feeling kind of vicious that day...if you could ever call that boy vicious, that is...which he never was....slapped Dally across the face and walked me home.

Dally smiled at Johnny as we walked away.

"You've got a good girl, keep her."

I left my jacket on the pavement.

Dally used it as a blanket that night.

A/N: Heheh!! Kind of unusual for me, I guess! Sankyuu to all of my reviewers, and now onto the 4th fanfic update of the day! Oh lord...this fanfic thing is killing me! As soon as I finish all of these, I'm taking a BIG vacation!! A BIG ONE!! Huge!!! Large, I say, I say!!!

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII


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